I Called Him Friend

Grace is enough to to cover not only the hard things you wish you'd never done but also the good things that you wish you had got done, the things that can weigh heaviest of all. ~Ann Voskamp

Grace: the free and unmerited favor of God - Websters Dictionary

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you..." - 2 Cor. 12:9

For by grace you have been saved... - Eph. 2:8

But he gives more grace. - James 4:6

And from His fullness we have all received grace upon grace. John 1:16

Grace upon grace. How beautiful is that? The free, unmerited favor of God - and we get that dumped on us. Did I deserve to have Jesus come die for my sins? No. Could I have paid the penalty for my sins on my own? No. Would I ever be able to reach God on my own? No. It's only because of God's grace. He does it all. And even after He paid the penalty for my sins - grace washing over my sin stained self - He continues to dump grace on me. I see it everyday - grace in the sunset as I was driving home, grace in the encouragement of a friend when I desperately needed it, grace in the forgiveness of one high school student to another. You can see it everywhere if you just take the time to look.

And if so much grace surrounds me...shouldn't I be a part of it?

There's been a relationship in my life that has caused more tears, more heartache, more hurt than anything I've ever experienced. And somehow through all of that and with a large dose of God's grace - He has used that to cause me to fall more in love with Him. It still astounds me that so much hurt could be used for His good. Yet, some of that hurt still remains even after over a year of silence within this relationship.

And suddenly...an email...an apology...I stared at this email for several long minutes recalling the hurt. Wanting to hold on to that and answer in anger, "Now? After all this time...NOW you tell me our friendship means something to you?" I wanted to say that it was too little, too late...and yet....grace.

How can I not offer the same grace I've been given - grace given when I've done far worse to the God of the universe who created me - to the people around me? And so...I closed the email. Maybe that's surprising. Maybe a stronger person could have responded gracefully right then. But sometimes grace needs time. Or...at least I need time. I knew that I would not be able to respond without some cleverly worded phrase that would sting...just a little. And so I gave myself a day. A day to pray, a day to revel in God's grace, and finally...at the end of that day - grace.

It was not a long response. But in the end...I called him friend, welcoming him back to our group of friends where Jesus' love and grace abounds. Friend...Because that's what Jesus did and that's what Jesus does. He welcomes us back. He calls us friend. He does it. Was I able to respond gracefully because I'm so great? No. It's only because of Jesus working in me. And that...is beautiful. Accepting God's grace is one thing. Giving it out is another.

Breathing in His Grace

I remember my senior year of college sitting at a table in the library with one of my friends arguing about growing up. I was adamant, I was never growing up. Sure, I'd get older - but I sure as heck wasn't going to lose the fun, happy view of life I currently had. He assured me that I would - that as life went on and I entered the "real" world with "real" problems I'd lose the fairy tale view of the world I currently had. I remember him looking me in the eyes and saying, "Abbie, you will grow up. You won't always have this kid like approach to life. Just wait, five years from now you'll tell me I'm right." And I laughed and rolled my eyes and dismissed the whole idea.

I've been out of college for three years now, and I think if I saw my friend I'd still tell him that I haven't grown up. If I see a pile of leaves, I still want to go jump in it. If I get bored and one of my friends is close by I'll probably poke them or something just to entertain myself. So, in many ways I'm definitely still a child at heart. But...real life has made keeping that childlike nature a whole lot harder - heartbreak, surgery, ginormous medical bills, death, student loans, uncertainty, taxes...And it doesn't stop! That's the amazing thing...

There's a song that says: Still my soul be still and do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow. God is at your side, no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.

No longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow...Isn't that a beautiful thought? To be so sure of God and His plan and His purpose that you don't wait with clenched fists for the other shoe to drop, but stand with open hands and heart trusting that His good will prevail.

I haven't completely figured out how to do that yet, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with getting over yourself. Now, you may think that's a little harsh, but stick with me....This life; us going about our business, spinning around on this sphere through space - We didn't make it. There's something much greater going on here. I've recently claimed a new life verse. Psalm 115:1 - Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name give glory, for the sake of Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness!

I've been learning this whole "not about me" thing for a long time. For the longest time I lived under the motto - God has a good plan for me and it will prevail! And I don't think that's bad. I think God does have a good plan for me - But what I've learned is that God and I have a different definition of "good". His good may not be my good - I think about all of the Christians in the world undergoing persecution. Could they honestly say that what is happening to them is good? If they can, it's only because they understand better than most Who it is they are living for. They realize it's not about them - they're not living for their happiness, their living for God's glory. Living for His glory because of His steadfast love which covers over the ugly of our lives, and His faithfulness that covers us with so much undeserved grace. Because honestly, we don't deserve good. We're a mess. We break God's heart. We chase after worthless idols. And yet, when we realize our mistake and turn back to God - He's there. He's there with open arms. His grace is why we have good. Every good thing is from Him!

Jesus talked a lot about having childlike faith - approaching Him with wide eyed expectancy completely trusting that He knows best. He knows best even when you totally don't get it. He knows best even when you get hurt. He. Knows. Best. And when I start living for His glory instead of my good - it changes my perspective on hard things. Instead of getting cynical about them I can trust that God will use this for His glory. And if I can live my life in reckless abandon to Him even in the hard times I don't think I have to "grow up". I can remain a kid at heart, trusting that my Abba father knows what He's doing. What a beautiful place to be.

The Labor of God is to Trust

You strive, o man, and you strive again, your heart too proud to rest
You labor on, singing those songs, to cover your weakness
Do you fail to recall who you really are and Who caused you to be?
Return o man; return and rest, to a burden light and yoke easy

Abide in your Savior
Abide in His love
The labor of God is to trust in the Son

The labor of God is to trust in the Son

God isn't telling us to move mountains. To run a race. He's saying that our labor should be to trust Him. That is what we should strive for first and foremost - to live our lives in an attitude of trust in our Heavenly Father. To rest in Him alone.

It sounds so simple, yet it's so hard! I grew up in a family that had crazy work ethic. My dad gets up at 2:30 every other morning to milk cows and doesn't get done till 7 pm at night. Yes, I think he's crazy - but I also admire him and in a lot of ways I'm proud that my dad is "crazy" enough to work harder than anyone else I know. Ever since I was a little girl I put a ton of value in work - I helped my dad and uncle feed cows, build fence, drive tractors, milk cows, help with harvest, and more. I loved the feeling of coming inside after the sun had set; hot, sweaty, and tired - but with a sense of accomplishment of a job well done.

Ministry is totally different. It's way more thinking. It's a lot of never seeing the results, but trusting that God is going to do what He wants with what you spent hours of time preparing. It's building relationships and then wondering if what you're doing is accomplishing any good. It is hard.

And yet...God is teaching me to trust Him with the results and in some ways I think I'm beginning to learn how to do that.

And then...I got sick. A sickness that would strike me every couple of weeks and pretty much knock me out of commission for several days. I've missed days of work. I've missed TFC meetings. So many times I've been stuck laying on the couch while someone else had to step up and fill my place.

I HATE IT. So, so much. I feel like a pansy. I feel like if I were my dad I'd be up and at em' and already slinging around hay bales. I finally had surgery last week to fix this problem and now am in the recovery process. I was SO excited to finally be on the road of getting this all behind me! And now...on a Wednesday night where I was supposed to be at a TFC meeting - I was again at home on the couch. It's been five days since I've had surgery...and yet I was totally expecting to be back to normal life by now. And finally (yes, I'm a little slow) I began to think...hm...maybe God is actually trying to teach me something here. This has been going on since September so it only took me a little bit...

Today I had a friend tell me that God loves me despite what I do or don't do - He would love me even if I couldn't do anything - That my worth is who I am in Him and anything that comes against that truth is wrong. I knew this, but I needed that reminder. This past summer I began to stand on the truth that because of Jesus I am enough - I don't have to keep striving after this unattainable goal of being "perfect" for everyone. Obviously I didn't learn this lesson completely since once again God is His vast wisdom has brought something else into my life to show me just how far I still have to go.

So as I once again sit on this couch, I'm again discovering that I need to let go of finding my worth in what I accomplish. My worth should always and ONLY come from Jesus. And the thought of how much He loves me...even though I can do no good thing honestly brings tears to my eyes. We serve such a beautiful Savior! One who saw that we could never live the life that was demanded - and so came down from heaven to live for us - to die for us so that we could be with Him. Isn't that breathtaking?? And so why do I insist on taking pride in my accomplishments and come to despair when I feel like I'm not doing enough when Jesus has already done it all?!

The labor of God is to trust in the Son.

Give me a steadfast spirit to rest in You alone.

Enough

On the first day of TFC Camp 2013 campers entered the chapel and saw words like ‘Hopeless’, ‘Rejected’, ‘Unloved’ hanging on all of the walls. Strange camp decorations, right? But wait...At the front of the chapel was a heart with the words TRUTH written across it. As the week went on, we slowly covered over the lies (rejected, unloved, etc) that satan wants us to believe with God’s truth. Hopeless was covered with Hope. Rejected was covered with Accepted. Unloved was covered with Loved. Our prayer was that as the campers began to see the TRUTH found in Scripture, God would begin to write His truth on their hearts. As part of our debriefing on the last day of camp Lavonne asked the teens what word God had written on their heart. I couldn’t help but grin as camper after camper raised their hand to share the truth God had written: Cared about, Hope...Renewed...Brave...Found...Accepted...Chosen…Healed...Forgiven... Encouraged...Content.

As this was happening Lavonne encouraged the teens to tell the staff the truth God had written on their heart. Because she said that it was only through their hard work and prayers in putting this all together that God had been able to reveal this truth to them. Her words brought tears to my eyes. Because one of my biggest struggles with TFC is that I can’t see the results of all the hours I pour into it. And these words that the teens were sharing—this was results! This was God working through me for His glory! It still just amazes me that He does so! Later a girl came up to me and with tears in her eyes wrapped me in a hug and said, “Abbie, I want you to know that God wrote capable on my heart this week and you played a role in that.” WOW!

Honestly, I shouldn’t need to see the results of what I do here at TFC. My focus is loving Jesus and doing my best to bring Him glory. So, I keep telling myself that I don’t need to see results. I can rest in the peace that comes with knowing God works despite me. But throughout these two weeks of camp, God saw this desire of my heart and used teenagers to write ENOUGH on my heart.

I have struggled for a very long time with not feeling good enough. It was something that I wasn’t really aware of until this past year, but once I saw it, I began to see how that lie really impacts how I live. I was living under my own truth rather than the truth that Jesus speaks over my life. But I want to tell you something; over this past summer God has changed me. He’s changed my heart. And I don’t know if I can even fully explain it, but there are times when I honestly can’t even help but grin at what God is doing here! A friend of mine was talking about living life not always being sure of the next step, but not worrying about it. She said, “I get to be me with my Jesus. What’s better than that?” And that phrase just keeps echoing through my head, “I get to be me with my Jesus.” Throughout the events of this past summer I have fallen more and more in love with Jesus and I can honestly say that I am at a place where I love just being me with my Jesus. He is enough for me! When you sink your feet into that, how can you not live life with joy? And as I sank my feet into this truth, as I began to care more about what God thought of me than others, God used others to show that what I am doing IS enough.

At camp this year we did a new thing called ‘Kudos’. Basically it was just a note of encouragement that you could write to someone else and put in the Kudos Box. Then at meal times we’d deliver all of the Kudos. It was really fun! I mean...it was supposed to be for the campers, but I think this was another way that God showed me how He IS using me here. I got notes that said, “You are so happy. But into God. Thank you.” “I can tell by your attitude that you’re a Christian. I look up to you!” “I can really tell you are totally in love with Jesus and it has been a huge inspiration to me. You are a lot of the reason I’m where I’m at in my faith today.” WOW. Honestly, that just blows me away! Because I FEEL like I’m more in love with Jesus, but having other people notice and look up to that? That’s so crazy to me! And I’m not sharing these to build myself up, but to show how God uses us even when we feel like we’re doing nothing. God works beyond and above and through us, and it’s SO stinkin’ cool! So as I prepare for a new school year, I’m resting in the peace that comes from knowing God’s got this. And guess what? He’s got your situation under control too. We may not be able to see that at all. But I am convinced that God is our rock, He is our fortress, His plan is GOOD, and we can rest in that!

It's a Mystery! And we're okay with that.

Found this on facebook yesterday. 

This post is between two of the teens that are part of TFC. This summer we're taking three mission trips. One to Mississippi, one to Colorado, and one...that we don't know about yet. Originally we were going to Mexico, but after praying about it we've decided God wanted us to go somewhere else. We don't know where yet, but have labeled this trip as the 'Mystery Trip' and sent out the acceptance letters a few days ago. This is their response. 

I read this and just had to smile. You know why? Because I know that a big reason why these guys have such a solid faith is because of TFC. Now, I know that their parents play a huge role in this as well, but it's because of TFC that they learned the lesson of following God even when they don't know what's happening. I went on a mission trip with them last year and we learned that lesson hugely through several van break downs, and other un-expected turn of events. And I'm so glad I work with a ministry that gives them another chance to experience what it means to follow God wholeheartedly. 

I am so honored to work with a ministry that has kids like this in it. My prayer is that God will continue to work through us to make more disciples of Him!

I will serve You as I'm waiting

I just got back from Spring Break. Instead of going home like I have every other year I ended up signing up for one of our college's service trips. This in itself is a God thing, because I NEVER wanted to go on this trip before. I didn't hold anything against it, thought it was a great opportunity, but always just wanted to go home. It was the only break the whole semester and I loved going home where I was surrounded by people I love doing tons of farm work in moderately nice weather. Which is why I'm convinced that it was completely a God thing that I ended up going on this trip. People kept bringing it up, and after talking with my parents I decided, why not? And then, even though I've never gone on this trip before I signed up to be a leader. Is this normal behavior for me? No. Looking back can I see God's fingerprints all over it? Definitely.

I can say with no hesitation that this trip was my favorite spring break of all time. First of all because Mississippi had GREAT weather this past week. It was in the 70s and 80s, everything was green and I got a great tan. Secondly, I still got to do farm work! We worked out at this farm that is supposed to raise money for the ministry we were working for. I ended everyday there feeling completely exhausted, but so happy. There's something about doing physically demanding labor that causes great satisfaction. Thirdly, the people on this trip were amazing. We bonded together in a way I certainly didn't expect, and even now are still getting together everyday. Most of these people had some farm background and all were incredibly hard workers. I've been taught to work hard from a young age, but the members of my team amazed me as they went above and beyond on the tasks asked of them again and again. We'd ask them to clean one section of a pig pen, and they'd clean out all three and the nasty slop in the corner that had been sitting there for who knows how long. We'd be waiting for supper to cook, and they'd start cleaning up the other teams dishes that were overtaking the sink. It was inspiring! And got me thinking...shouldn't Christians always live there life like that? Going above and beyond what's required? I think it's a question of who we're really living our lives for. Is it for ourselves or the people around us? If yes, then why not just do enough to satisfy the barest requirement for what's asked? It's what most people do. But, I'm living for God. In the end it doesn't matter what those around me think of the job I've done, it's God's opinion that counts. And if I'm living my life for Him, shouldn't I be going above and beyond in everything I do? In homework. In relationships. In serving those around me even when I'm not asked. I think yes. 

And so, even in the most basic tasks I learned super valuable lessons. It didn't stop there either! I can't say I was exactly nervous about being a leader, but had a few hesitations. I'm not the most outgoing person and many times wonder if my sort of leadership works. I'm more of a hesitant leader, gently pushing people from behind rather than running ahead. But I think even in this trip I grew in that area. I don't think that I really thought I was leading that much while on the trip. The last day of the trip we all wrote each other notes on a piece of paper. Reading mine after I got back was eye opening. These people saw me as a leader, and a good one! Reading those notes was SO encouraging, and once again a reminder that God has blessed me with leadership qualities that I need to use. 

That's another thing I learned - the power of encouragement. It's so easy to see someone doing something good and pass over it. Maybe what they're doing is a pretty typical occurrence, maybe you figure they already have enough praise, maybe you just don't think you have time to stop...but I think these are all pretty terrible excuses especially when you think how much power encouragement has. Just reading those notes, where members of my team told me how great of a job they thought I did, made me want to lead even more. If I hadn't got that encouragement, I'm not sure how I'd feel about leading anymore. My own doubts about my abilities may have had enough sway to stop any further attempts. Which makes sense if you think about it. Satan doesn't want us to succeed. He doesn't want us to further God's kingdom. So, he'll put these doubts in our head to make us stop doing what God created us to do. And that's why we need the encouragement of fellow believers - encouragement to pursue our passions, to step our of our comfort zone, to continue to do the thing we love even if it's not necessarily 'popular'. Often it's easy to think that it's parents jobs to encourage or teachers or coaches. But if we're all part of Christ's body - forming one body together, doesn't it make sense to encourage another body party to do the best if possibly can so that the whole body works together better?

Ok, I feel as if this has been mostly rambling and don't really know if it makes much sense, but I just really wanted to write down a bit of what I learned from this experience. I'm still blown away by how God worked through all of this - but I shouldn't be. He always does. :)

True Productivity

Sometimes it's simply crazy how God works. 

Back in January I made a pact with this girl to read a Psalm a day for 30 days and then write down something I learned from it. The point was to help her get into God's word everyday and hopefully give her some stability in her life. I'm not sure it had much impact on her life, but it sure has done great things for mine. Before this I knew spending time with God was important. I did devos nearly everyday, but honestly it was more of a chore than something I truly wanted to do. Recently, I've started reading through past prayer journals and often there would be days when I wouldn't write anything, because I had skipped doing devos that day. 

Starting this whole reading a Psalm a day thing has changed things. I was extremely motivated to find time to spend a good quality amount of time with God and as I went through this process I began to love it. Rather than something I had to fit into my schedule it became a time I looked forward to. It was a time of refreshment. And slowly, I began to realize that spending time with God was the most productive part of my day. Hands down. It was here that I could lay my problems down, knowing they were heard. It was here where I found way cool truths in the Bible that completely blew my mind. It was here that I discovered a love for me far beyond anything I could imagine. I'm not saying that I've never experienced this before, just never in day to day quantities. And I love it!

The 30 days has long passed now, and I can honestly say I haven't missed a day where I take some time to spend with God. Not because I feel like I have to, but because I WANT to. God is AWESOME...way beyond any of my puny attempts to describe Him. The fact that He loves me, and desires this intimate relationship with me, blows me away. This past summer I attended a camp where the main speaker compared spending time with God to running. He said that running at first sucks, it's hard and not a lot of fun. But slowly, over time you learn to love it and soon you can barely go a day without doing it. He said that spending time with God was the same way. You don't have to start out 'running a mile'. But forcing yourself to spend just a little bit of time with God each day, causes your desire to do this grow more and more. Soon, five minutes isn't enough time...soon it's not asking how long is long enough, it's being disappointed when time runs out. 

So yeah...life's been really good this year so far. Not because everything is going perfectly, but because I'm becoming more deeply rooted in the One who makes me content in all things. :)