I remember my senior year of college sitting at a table in the library with one of my friends arguing about growing up. I was adamant, I was never growing up. Sure, I'd get older - but I sure as heck wasn't going to lose the fun, happy view of life I currently had. He assured me that I would - that as life went on and I entered the "real" world with "real" problems I'd lose the fairy tale view of the world I currently had. I remember him looking me in the eyes and saying, "Abbie, you will grow up. You won't always have this kid like approach to life. Just wait, five years from now you'll tell me I'm right." And I laughed and rolled my eyes and dismissed the whole idea.
I've been out of college for three years now, and I think if I saw my friend I'd still tell him that I haven't grown up. If I see a pile of leaves, I still want to go jump in it. If I get bored and one of my friends is close by I'll probably poke them or something just to entertain myself. So, in many ways I'm definitely still a child at heart. But...real life has made keeping that childlike nature a whole lot harder - heartbreak, surgery, ginormous medical bills, death, student loans, uncertainty, taxes...And it doesn't stop! That's the amazing thing...
There's a song that says: Still my soul be still and do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow. God is at your side, no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.
No longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow...Isn't that a beautiful thought? To be so sure of God and His plan and His purpose that you don't wait with clenched fists for the other shoe to drop, but stand with open hands and heart trusting that His good will prevail.
I haven't completely figured out how to do that yet, but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with getting over yourself. Now, you may think that's a little harsh, but stick with me....This life; us going about our business, spinning around on this sphere through space - We didn't make it. There's something much greater going on here. I've recently claimed a new life verse. Psalm 115:1 - Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name give glory, for the sake of Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness!
I've been learning this whole "not about me" thing for a long time. For the longest time I lived under the motto - God has a good plan for me and it will prevail! And I don't think that's bad. I think God does have a good plan for me - But what I've learned is that God and I have a different definition of "good". His good may not be my good - I think about all of the Christians in the world undergoing persecution. Could they honestly say that what is happening to them is good? If they can, it's only because they understand better than most Who it is they are living for. They realize it's not about them - they're not living for their happiness, their living for God's glory. Living for His glory because of His steadfast love which covers over the ugly of our lives, and His faithfulness that covers us with so much undeserved grace. Because honestly, we don't deserve good. We're a mess. We break God's heart. We chase after worthless idols. And yet, when we realize our mistake and turn back to God - He's there. He's there with open arms. His grace is why we have good. Every good thing is from Him!
Jesus talked a lot about having childlike faith - approaching Him with wide eyed expectancy completely trusting that He knows best. He knows best even when you totally don't get it. He knows best even when you get hurt. He. Knows. Best. And when I start living for His glory instead of my good - it changes my perspective on hard things. Instead of getting cynical about them I can trust that God will use this for His glory. And if I can live my life in reckless abandon to Him even in the hard times I don't think I have to "grow up". I can remain a kid at heart, trusting that my Abba father knows what He's doing. What a beautiful place to be.
