Sidenote

I think if I came into this blog and read it, I'd think this person was ridiculous. There's something about blogging that makes me feel as if I should write differently--more refined or something. This is mostly ridiculous. Although, perhaps this is me as well. Perhaps I need a place to contemplate...hm...

I guess I've never really considered myself a contemplative person. But maybe this is good....

New Goal: To write on here when I'm not just in a contemplative mood so that those who actually read this, don't always laugh at my ridiculousness, but at times, laugh at my goofiness.

First Impressions

It amazes me how first impressions can change. Even the first impressions after you just first enter a friendship. Sure there's the impression of who a person is when you first see them, but there's also the first impression when you actually begin a friendship--a formulation in your brain of where this friendship is going to go and how it will progress. Yet, if the friendship does actually continue, generally one's first impression of the other is gradually shifted.

I started a new friendship in the past few weeks with a girl, that was before, just an acquaintance. We've been thrown together more often lately and our personalities just seem to click. I was always kind of intimidated by her, now we pick on each other unmercifully. It's fun. Changed first impressions.

I do this with guys a lot. I'll meet a guy and the newness of the friendship will make everything exciting, painting him with rose colored streaks. Often I wonder if "he's the one". This thought process usually lasts for a few weeks. I get to know him better, begin to see our differences and realize that we'd never work out. Yet the intrigue is still there. And despite all my convincing that it will never work out, my thoughts turn to him far too often.

It's usually about then that I get to know him well enough that something seriously annoying arises. The difference that seemed so intriguing, is overwhelmed by the unattractiveness of laziness or the realization that he doesn't actually hear anything I say. Generally I'm thankful--it's beyond the time since God's first started whispering , "Let it go. I've got your future under control. You don't need to orchestrate things with him."

So, another door shuts. But it's ok.

And surprisingly, it really is.

Nothing Ordinary

Ordinary...Such a boring word really, lacking zest and energy. Yet, so often I long for it. I long to get married, to have kids, to live an ordinary life with a picket fence in my front yard.

How long does it take to get to the point where you can truly and fully be satisfied with God, not His blessings. Marriage would be a huge blessing, and I would be lying if I said I didn't want it. It seems every time I get on facebook another one of my friends is engaged. Their pictures make my heart melt. They're holding hands, running through a flowered field. He leans over to kiss her cheek looking at her like she's the most precious thing in the whole world. And I smile...and then my heart breaks. Because I want that so much. I want a guy who will look at me like that, who longs to spend time with me. And I question why I don't have that. What is wrong with me?

And then I'm gently reminded that I do have that. There's someone who's madly pursing me. Who gives things to me daily that he hopes will make me smile. Who loves me with a love beyond my comprehension. Who will NEVER leave me. Who has the wisest advice. Who will never let me down. The God who created the world, loves me...ordinary me. And because of that love, I'm extraordinary.