Who Wants to Grow Up?

Broomball. I've never seen it officially played. I'm guessing there's rules, equipment, refs...like I said, I've never watched a real game. But for the past three years my friends and I have gotten together and played our own version. 

Today it was 50 degrees. Our pond is just across the road from our house. It felt a bit slushy, but since it's only at max two feet deep I figured we'd survive. We had four brooms, four golf clubs, and an oar. The ball was something we grabbed out of the toy box. Goals were made out of small branches. Unorthodox, probably. Hilarious, yes. Because it was so warm, puddles formed wherever there was a lot of action. I was goalie and ended up standing in like two inches of water. That and the frequent creaking and cracking of the ice caused me to wonder how long I was going to last standing on the surface of the ice. Also, the job of goalie gets a little old after awhile...and since I had so much water around, I spent more time sweeping water at people than guarding the goal. Maybe that's why there was so much water...friction? hm...

Anyway, the layer of water caused the pond to be super slick. People fell and got up soaked. I stayed fairly dry...until I got chased down, drug over to the wettest part by my ankles and pushed down...Have I mentioned I love my friends? :) 

Regardless, I've decided playing broomball in 50 degree weather with some wonderful people is one of the funnest things ever. :)

So Long Self

One of my favorite books is The Cubicle Next Door. If you haven't read it...and you're a girl I highly recommend it. If you're a guy and like happy bubbly, hilarious, romantically cheesy books, I also highly recommend it. It was this book that inspired me to start this blog.

However, that inspiration has not really helped me to continue blogging. Mostly because what happened to the main character in the book, has in no way happened to me. (Curious? Use your imagination...or read the book). But, I've decided that blogging is good for the soul and after discovering a friend of mine's blog, I was re-inspired to keep doing this. 

That being said, I've completed another semester of college. College has not been the 'best place ever where I'd meet tons of friends' as I'd been promised. I'm not sure if that's my fault or what, but looking back I'm still so very grateful that God placed me where He did.

Freshman year was a growing year. Looking back my life resembled a soap opera more than anything else mostly because I discovered that boys did not, in fact, think I was gross, but in fact seemed to like me...a lot of different boys actually which was a wonderful dilemma at first, but ended up causing some train wrecks in the end. I kept a journal back then and reading back through it...let's just say no one will EVER be allowed to read it. lol But it is good for making me laugh at my own ridiculousness. If I could go back, I don't think I'd change anything because I learned a ton about myself and about others. But I do wish I would've handled some things differently; jumped on some friendship opportunities that I let slip by, joined in on more campus activities...

Freshmen year set me on a course that I had a hard time getting off of. I had a few close friends, but didn't really feel like I knew that many people on campus, something that drove me absolutely crazy because I love hanging out with people. I love picking on people, love hearing their stories, love having them laugh at the dumb things I say, and didn't really feel like I had many people I could just be myself with. 

Last year most of my close friends either graduated or left and so I was lost, not sure how to break into a new friend group and spending most weekends in my room. It was terrible and I was left constantly wondering how I could be myself, the self that my friends at home seemed to love, but no one at college ever got to see. 

I'm not really sure what changed this year...God definitely worked in my life this past summer; putting me in leadership positions I never thought I would have and showing me that I didn't have to be the quiet, shy girl in the corner. And that carried on to this year. I've made many new friends, some that I wish I would've met years ago. It took me stepping out of my comfort zone, trusting that even if people didn't like me I was content with who God made me to be. And this past semester was fun! I found people who don't take me seriously and have too much fun picking on me (something that I love, by the way). I found friends who I could share my fears with and friends who I could laugh hysterically over the tiniest things with. I met people who's views on life were vastly different than mine and made me look at the world a little differently. I laughed more and I said "hi" more when meeting people on the sidewalk. And it only happened when I let go of 'me', my fears of what others would think, and clung to the truth that God made me exactly the way He wanted. :)

Procrastination

There's something about rainy, cloudy days that just make me want to curl up with a good book and listen to Christmas music...very bad for productivity. And when days like these roll around I still try to be productive. I pull out my planner and figure out all the things I should be doing. Then I sit down and try to do them.

Usually, I end up staring at a blank screen day dreaming about random things.

Man, it's drizzly outside. I really don't want to do homework. But sometimes sitting on the couch when it's all grey and overcast makes me more productive, but usually only on Saturdays.I wonder if it'll be cloudy on Saturday. I should go check the weather....Sunny and 45...rats. Wow, these slippers are FALLING apart. I'm pretty sure if the stuffing is sticking out two inches; it's a problem. Man, that guy is confusing...but only because my friends make such a big deal out of nothing...ha, that's an excuse, I'd do it if they didn't do it for me. "I know I'm like the girl that cried 'boyfriend', but I'm really serious about this guy!" Haha, she cracks me up. I think Owl City is perfect rainy day music. Not really sure why. 


And thus nothing really gets done. Even this. I've stopped writing at least five times to go do other things. I think if you procrastinate from what you're doing to procrastinate you've got a problem...

Sidenote

I think if I came into this blog and read it, I'd think this person was ridiculous. There's something about blogging that makes me feel as if I should write differently--more refined or something. This is mostly ridiculous. Although, perhaps this is me as well. Perhaps I need a place to contemplate...hm...

I guess I've never really considered myself a contemplative person. But maybe this is good....

New Goal: To write on here when I'm not just in a contemplative mood so that those who actually read this, don't always laugh at my ridiculousness, but at times, laugh at my goofiness.

First Impressions

It amazes me how first impressions can change. Even the first impressions after you just first enter a friendship. Sure there's the impression of who a person is when you first see them, but there's also the first impression when you actually begin a friendship--a formulation in your brain of where this friendship is going to go and how it will progress. Yet, if the friendship does actually continue, generally one's first impression of the other is gradually shifted.

I started a new friendship in the past few weeks with a girl, that was before, just an acquaintance. We've been thrown together more often lately and our personalities just seem to click. I was always kind of intimidated by her, now we pick on each other unmercifully. It's fun. Changed first impressions.

I do this with guys a lot. I'll meet a guy and the newness of the friendship will make everything exciting, painting him with rose colored streaks. Often I wonder if "he's the one". This thought process usually lasts for a few weeks. I get to know him better, begin to see our differences and realize that we'd never work out. Yet the intrigue is still there. And despite all my convincing that it will never work out, my thoughts turn to him far too often.

It's usually about then that I get to know him well enough that something seriously annoying arises. The difference that seemed so intriguing, is overwhelmed by the unattractiveness of laziness or the realization that he doesn't actually hear anything I say. Generally I'm thankful--it's beyond the time since God's first started whispering , "Let it go. I've got your future under control. You don't need to orchestrate things with him."

So, another door shuts. But it's ok.

And surprisingly, it really is.

Nothing Ordinary

Ordinary...Such a boring word really, lacking zest and energy. Yet, so often I long for it. I long to get married, to have kids, to live an ordinary life with a picket fence in my front yard.

How long does it take to get to the point where you can truly and fully be satisfied with God, not His blessings. Marriage would be a huge blessing, and I would be lying if I said I didn't want it. It seems every time I get on facebook another one of my friends is engaged. Their pictures make my heart melt. They're holding hands, running through a flowered field. He leans over to kiss her cheek looking at her like she's the most precious thing in the whole world. And I smile...and then my heart breaks. Because I want that so much. I want a guy who will look at me like that, who longs to spend time with me. And I question why I don't have that. What is wrong with me?

And then I'm gently reminded that I do have that. There's someone who's madly pursing me. Who gives things to me daily that he hopes will make me smile. Who loves me with a love beyond my comprehension. Who will NEVER leave me. Who has the wisest advice. Who will never let me down. The God who created the world, loves me...ordinary me. And because of that love, I'm extraordinary.

We spend time with what we love. If we love reading, we can spend hours on a good book. If we love sports, we spend hours playing or watching. I have many 'loves', but one great Love that should blow all the rest out of the water. He created me. He chose me. And He loves me! He madly pursues me. He wants a relationship with me. The God who created the universe. Who's bigger than anything I can imagine, wants a personal relationship with me. And I want that too. I love Him. I want to continue to grow in this relationship with Him; to know Him more. I'm a youth ministry major. I volunteer on mission trips and intern at a Christian camp. I push others to know God more.

Yet, do I personally spend enough time with Him? Sure, I try to do devotions everyday. I wake up early, and cram a 15-20 minute 'quiet time' into my day. And that's it. There's 24 hours in the day, and I give him a quarter of an episode of Psych. I could easily watch two hours of TV or spend an hour on facebook. Yet, I give the God who I declare to love more than anything else only 15 minutes? Why?

I got an email from a friend today. She's going to a school where spending time with God is mandatory, yet she's learning to love it. One thing she said really stuck with me. "Time is so essential if we want to really grow in our relationship with Him, which seems obvious, but so few people do it, ya know? They just expect to be some super christian, but don't really try for it. Or, a LOT of people don't even want to be a super Christian... they just don't want to go to hell, so they show up to church on Sundays or whatever... orrr.... they don't even care about God and they just go through the motions for the friends or time filler... but it's SO MUCH MORE. God just wants to spend TIME with us, because if we do, we will grow closer to His heart, begin to obey His commands, get an "eternal perspective" in that nothing on this earth is really that important. We have one chance here to be God's light to others, and that chance is a little blip in the scope of billions of years with Jesus (or with Satan if one so chooses). I mean, wow! How could you not want to live WHOLEHEARTEDLY for Him?"

After this she told me that she knows I know this, but just needed to vent. But you know what? I needed to hear this. It makes me examine where I'm spending my time. I still think that getting up early to do devos is a good thing. Yet, I know I need more. 15 minutes is not going to cut it. I need a space where there is no time schedule, where I can just sit and soak in God's word, where I can look out and pray for those walking by. It's something that Satan desperately wants to hold from me. But I'll fight for it. I've got to find a spot, a place I can go and just be with God. Because truly, how can I point others towards Christ if I'm not going anywhere with my faith?

A Fresh Start

I've got my fuzzy socks on. I'm watching America's Top Model. I don't have any homework making me feel guilty for this lazy evening. Life is good.